Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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