How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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