bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
