The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
