Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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