Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
