this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize