I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
