Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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