no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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