I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
