So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The beer is more important than you right now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
