Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
