The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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