did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
