I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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