you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize