Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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