Can i not drive my cunt home
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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