At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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