Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
