you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
