I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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