Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
