I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
