so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
