Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
