Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
