READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
