dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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