The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
