i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
