You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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