I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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