I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize