You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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