need another drink. this is the easiest way
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
