Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So vagazzling was a success
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
