you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
