I think I just saw someone hide a body.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
