and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
