Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
