apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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