pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
