There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize