I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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