Where did you get a picture of my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
