Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
