Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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