I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
