i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm like, not good at living.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
