When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
