Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
