wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
