i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
