Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize