i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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