yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize