I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
