Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just had sex bonerless
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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