Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize