once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
