Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
