Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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