so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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