dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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