he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
