lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
