i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize