Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
