I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
