Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize