Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
