The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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