Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
