Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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