Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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