yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
