Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
