at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize