he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's like iHOP with fire
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
