You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
