I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
