Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
