Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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