Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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